I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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