So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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