he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize