It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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