Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
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Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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