Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
