Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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