I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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