I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
