Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
