My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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