he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm passing your future prison.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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