Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
