my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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