I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
