he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
