Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Shame is for Republicans.
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