It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize