Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
