speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
