I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
