Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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