I think i peed on brittanys purse
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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