im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
