Plan B is the new Plan A
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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