i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
