I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
