he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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