I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
