I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize