"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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