My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
