i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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