Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
