Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
