Just fell off a train. Bad.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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