My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
