do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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