We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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