As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
