my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
