Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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