Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
