if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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