awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
