i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
