if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
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What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
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Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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