I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
