I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
