I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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