it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
