Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
