Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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