I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize