I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
