He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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