Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
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